Sertraline: day one

This image means nothing to me.

Today I took my first dose of sertraline, which may be my last, depending on what my psychiatrist says about how long I can expect to feel these unpleasant side-effects:

• Agitation--of the "kill me because I can't stop moving" kind
• Wiredness, which, after spending three years in an AD coma, I thought I would have welcomed; I don't
• Unbraining, of the brain, which I think with
• Probably never sleeping again

If she assures me that I'll spend a week or so like this, drifting from street corner to street corner like a wide-eyed, caffeine-fueled piece of trash, so be it. If she says, as I expect her to, "so hard to tell with these drugs," I may have to move on to another candidate.

I hear the sertraline "kick" comes from an inhibitory action it has on dopamine receptors. If you've ever done too much cocaine, and experienced the "why are my bones filled with lasers?" syndrome, or the "why does everything in my peripheral vision suddenly look, for a second, like an animal?" confusion, well, then you know what I'm feeling. If you haven't, and don't, bless you.

I never thought in my life I'd quote the Ramones approvingly, but, god damn it, I want to be sedated. Here's to the moment when peak plasma levels decline.